Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Ah....Gainful Employment (don't punch anything)

*popping a bottle of seltzer*

Just when I had resigned myself to whatever in the devil comes down the pike...I get the freaking job.

So um yeah bitch Call center director my 5 to 10 year plan does not include walking on egg shells around your middling conniving ass until I find something better.  I am where I want to be, and working back where I belong.


Monday, January 30, 2012

Pop Life

It's been a VERY long time since I've put my fist through a wall. Needless to say, Friday was a goddamned shit show in terms of mental health. I was way too hyped up to hear back from a potentially badass gig, and was summarily smacked in the face with an email saying that I'd have to wait a few more days to find out if all was a go. That was first thing Friday morning. My mood never left blackest rage mode for the rest of Friday. I told myself all the things one should tell themselves in that moment. You're still in the running. You knew he had only gotten a hold of one of your references. If it's meant to be, it will be. Nothing helped.  I took a long hot shower. I went for a bike ride. I cleaned the apartment. I took a nap. That only marginally helped. I woke up and I was still totally worked over. AND THEN...wave upon wave of grief over breaking up with Tia hit me. Fucking awful. Despair sucks.

Thankfully, Katie came over after hearing me blubber on the phone with snicker doodles, hugs, and something funny to say about my next home improvement project. 

The weekend got heaps better after Friday. To die...to sleep...To wash back up on the shores on consciousness cleansed of the previous day's lizard brain muck.  I am always so grateful for the day after nights like that.

Today I feel infinitely more prepared to keep on keeping on. And just in time too, because the waters are looking a little choppy ahead.

Monday, January 9, 2012


I landed a little over a month ago now. I've managed to create some order here and there. Gainful employment still eludes me, and yet I feel unutterably optimistic and renewed.

I can't say that that was the case when I first landed. After going through customs and walking around JFK knowing I was in NYC, but I didn't live there anymore was like seeing an ex who smashed your hearts to bits on the other side of the street you are trying to cross out of the blue. Everything came rushing back...the energy was still there and still intoxicating...but the few feet between you may as well be light years. There is only forward, you say to yourself as you look back once more.

I thought I had made a mistake. I wanted to be back in Paris, but NYC would do.

The Paris and always simmering Buenos Aires thing is still totally real, but so is my love for the ATX and the peeps I call family here. I love being back. I am looking forward to getting a job, making new friends, reconnecting with old friends, challenging myself, and just generally enjoying the f**k out of life. I still think about NYC alot and totally miss it in many many ways, but this is where I belong. En plus, my apartment is in a GREAT neighborhood and getting cuter by the minute. Can you say AIR bnb?

2012 No Fear. No Hate. No Pain. No Broken Hearts.

Pennybacker Bridge over the Colorado River New Years Day, 2012

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