Saturday, December 3, 2011

Las Ramblas

Llorca said once that Las Ramblas was the only street that he could walk forever, and I am inclined to agree with him. Barcelona has got a good vibe. The city is built to be strolled. The tiny narrow walkways that open up onto beautiful and tucked away squares. It's beautiful. I think it has alot to do with the fact that I speak the language. Well I speak Spanish, not Catalan. And let me tell you these fools are serious about their Catalan and their partying. It didn't quiet down outside my window last night until well after 5am. I myself was out to till 4am my night on my first night here. I met a Broadway actress, a Romanian addict who cackled with delight when I told him the phrase Robert taught me, and a gorgeous outta control 18 yo who played my Jazzamatazz by Guru over a smoke and told me that her favorite part about skateboarding is the falling down. She also told me I looked like an undercover cop. I've been told that pretty much everywhere I go. I don't know what to say that, except "Ou é le shit? Donde esta la hashish?"

I couldn't sleep last night. I stayed up til 8am. I'm holed up in this apartment because the hard cold currency has run out and because all of my undies were drying. I kind feel like Pony Boy and crew from the Outsiders. I've still got a few pennies left for Texas, but I can't access any of it because of the banking drama from a few weeks ago. I can only go places that accept credit cards. I should get out though, I am in another country for chrissakes for another 72 hours.

I was re-reading my Back of Beyond blog, and I have honored my own wishes. I came out and saw more of the world, learned to love and take care of myself, and got some peace. There is alot more of all of the above out there to be had, and this is just the beginning. In the interim, I am ready to get back to Texas to see what's what, give the people that know and love me a hug, and eat some breakfast tacos.

Peace and forgiveness come at the strangest hours in the night and in one's life. When I was in La Roque des Alberes I had a dream that M had ended her relationship with the person she chose over me. I thought it was just a metaphor for being in a way better place than I was all those years before. She had sent me an email when I was in the hospital wishing me well, and up until my time in La Roque I hadn't responded. It brought up too much hurt and anguish in remembering. I had worked very hard over the last couple of years to learn the hard lessons and put our encounter behind me. Remembering that the last time we hung out I had told her could spend a lifetime trying to make her happy. And in turn remembering her reply that I would be the type to knock her up with 5 kids without a pot to piss in. Remembering or engaging was not a good look in the hospital or in the midst of one of the healthiest happiest relationships I have ever been in. There is only forward, right?

After the dream I sent her an email thanking her for reaching out and coming clean about why it had taken so long to respond. I had just wanted to clear the air and set this last piece of emotional turmoil out into the ether. Her was response was neither hoped for or expected, and yet she recently wrote back with an apology for that time in our lives and perspective on all that had gone down in her own life. It was like a weight lifted. I don't know if we'll stay in touch, but the email was enough.

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