Sunday, September 11, 2011

Out In Luckenbach Texas there ain't nobody feelin' no pain

I spent the summer of 2001 here in NYC interning at Black Book magazine and living in a 5 floor walk up in the East Village. That summer was hard, but in the best possible way. I didn't have a pot to piss in,  I was in way over my head at a high end but wildly full of shit on a personal level magazine, and I don't think I had spoken to a soul during the entire month of July. I went kind of nuts one night, woke up the next morning and realized I'm ALIVE. I got fired from Black Book, and then I met my first big time love 3 weeks before I left back home for Texas.  2 weeks after that 911 happend. Talk about a shit show. On the world/history/societal level the US just got is clock cleaned. On my level, a fucking tear drop in the ocean by comparison, the world was also falling the fuck apart. I had promised to the woman that I loved that I would be back. This was a love worth being patient and doing things right for. Jen came to visit me after the no fly stuff had passed. The visit was weird and tense.  20 minutes before she took off for her flight back to NY. The next day my roommate who had only met her the one time confessed that she and Jen were into each other. I punched a hole in the wall. Twat roomie moved out.

Looking back Jen and I clearly would have never worked out. I was 21, a college drop out who could turn a phrase, and that was about it.  She was 29 with a house, a kid, and a not quite ex husband. The mean spirited fuckery that ensued was totally unnecessary, but valueable lessons were learned. People can tear you to shreds just because they can.

These last ten years have loomed so large for me. 911, Jen, the ensuing viscious culture wars, the Money crash, and now all the stuff that's about to go down in my life. I feel like some chapter, some scene in my life has come to a close. Me and the US went through something together, and now I need to take off and get some perspective on who me and my country have become in these last ten years.

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